This is a question of who I want to be.
(but I can’t tell the six people advising me that)
I want to be something more, and for once, the people I idolize are asking for me.
They sent three people, and the other side sent me a line written in gold for a CV.
This is about who I want to be, but for the rest of the world it’s sheer stupidity.
The boy from the slums told us to just do what we want, and we’ll get to the top, like he did in his penthouse in London.
Flip a coin.
(Are you scared of which side will face up?)
Maybe I’ll come to regret not having a golden line on the CV, one that’ll bring me a job.
But is it my place to decide as a 17yr old what is more important – loving myself or my future?
What audacity can one have at 17 to make a choice like that.
What insolence can I have to choose the thing I love?
The coin falls. It falls on the same stone slabs as it did two years ago.
Last time, it set my sights here, to these halls where I must make the decision.
I have a golden line on my CV, but I’m no different.
I am still not the person I came here to be, but what I came here to do is set in stone.
I chose returns over happiness.
I’m the person I came here to be, but I regret not being the person I want to be.
But I can hate myself and blame it on something bigger, something that’s not me – something that’ll give me 3 lakhs a month, but I will regret.
Maybe the regret will be worth it.
Maybe insolence is when I choose to do what I love on my father’s money.
I will hate myself anyway.
The coin shows me a heart.